The Five Minute Dates
by TheDerpiestWriter
Summary: That lucky dog Setsuna gets to go on a bunch of blind dates to find the right woman!


Author's Note: I think this is one of the most brilliant fanfic idea that my mind has ever produced! The story is all mine!..but the characters belong to Ken Akamatsu. I rated this T for teens because there is some mild language in here...

The Five Minute Date(s)

Setsuna lay on her bed in a relaxed position. She knew that Konoka was safe with Asuna so she felt completely at ease...The only sounds that could be heard were the people outside playing around outside, the hinges on the door flying off...

_Wait, WHAT? _The door flew open and before Setsuna could react she felt something go over her head. "Hey, what?" she yelled in the confusion.

"Sorry, Setsuna-san. You're coming with me," said a voice, Asuna's voice.

_Ugh! It's Asuna! What does she have planned for me? _Asuna heaved Setsuna over her shoulder and ran out the door.

Minutes later Asuna dumped Setsuna onto the floor, "Oww...," Setsuna said rubbing her back. Once she recovered she checked out her surroundings. _I can't see anything..._ All the lights but one were off, That single light shone on Setsuna, "Hello? Asuna? Anybody?"

Suddenly another light turned on to reveal Konoka and Negi, "Hey Set-chan! You're here early!"

"Yea...Asuna-san? Did you force her to come?" Negi asked.

Another light went on to reveal Asuna, "She wouldn't have come if I tried to reason with her. So, here she is anyway"

"Really guys? Why did you kidnap me? I'm a reasonable person."

A third light went off to reveal Chamo, "Well, Setsuna-nesan...Konoka-nesan and Asuna-nesan were telling me about your...problem..."

"What? What problem?"

Asuna rolled her eyes. Konoka sighed.

"What?" Setsuna asked again.

"Oh Setsuna...we are gonna help you get out of the closet."

_"I'M NOT IN THE CLOSET!" _She turned to Asuna, "_IS THIS WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?"_

"Oh Setsuna...Just roll with us, okay? We want you to be more comfortable around women so you can get a girlfriend and be happy and less tense all the time."

"I'm a _BODYGUARD! _We're _SUPPOSED _to be tense!"

"Well, Konoka doesn't want you to be tense."

"Ojou-sama?" Setsuna turned to Konoka.

Konoka looked away, "I-I just want you to be happy, Set-chan... You've been so off lately...," Looking at her, she said, "I thought it was because you were lonely so I set this all up!"

Setsuna's eyes popped out of their socets, "This was _YOUR _idea?"

Konoka did her classic giggle, "Yep!"

"It's for your happiness, Setsuna-san," Negi said, "And I support you!"

"All right! Lets get this show on the road!" Chamo pressed a button and all of the lights went on. They were in the library and a desk and chair were right by Setsuna, "Okay! What you do first is go sit down."

"Um...okay..." Setsuna mumbled sitting in the seat provided for her.

"Good. What you're doing is going on a bunch of blind dates with any girl that shows up for five minutes."

_"WHAT?"_

Chamo interrupted her outburst, "Aniki will have this timer to start and end the five minutes. If things get ugly, you can stop the date with this bell." Asuna placed a bell on the desk.

"Are we ready to bring in the crowd?" Asuna yelled over the comotion by the door.

"Bring 'em in!"

Setsuna's hands slapped the desk, "Wait, there's a _CROWD?" _

"Of course, Set-chan. Asuna and I pasted out fliers." Another giggle.

"_YOU WHAT? _

"_HERE THEY COME!" _Asuna yelled. She opened the door and the door smacked her into the wall. Setsuna's fangirls came running towards Setsuna and for the first time ever, she feared for her life. Asuna recovered and ran to the front of the herd, "All right, ladies! Settle down! You'll all get a chance to date Setsuna!"

"Did they all pay their fee at the door?" Chamo asked Asuna.

Asuna showed him a wad of cash, "Yea! Some of them paid extra!"

"You put a fee for this? That's kinda dishonest, Chamo-kun..." Negi said.

"Just hush and act as the security guard I hired you as."

The first girl up sat in a chair across from Setsuna," Hi, my name is Amber." said a rather bubbly blonde.

"Um, hey. I'm Setsuna-."

"Omigod, I know! You're _SOOOO HAWT! _Me and my friends see you walking by and we're all like '_OMIGOD IT'S HER!' _You're, like, my idol! You're so amazing! More amazing than my dog, Poochie! He's a poodle and he's so adorable! This one time when my family went to some beach resort in Amarica he kept chasing after the tides! He did it over and over and over and over and-"

Setsuna smashed the bell, "_NEXT!_"

"Huh?" The blond said.

"I'm sorry honey, but your times up..." Chamo said.

"No, NO! It hasn't been, like, five minutes yet!"

"She's uncooperative! Take her away!" Asuna tried to pulled her out of the chair, but Amber held on to the table by her fingernails.

"NO! _NO!" _Asuna finally pried her off the table and carried her out of the room.

Setsuna turned to Chamo, "HOW MANY CRAZIES LIKE _THAT _AM I DATING?"

"Hmmm, I don't know. Hang in there! That was only the first one. There will be more good ones then bad ones!"

But it never got any better. One crazy after another. Then a girl with dull brown hair that covered her eyes sat down, "Hi...I'm Sauki... My hobbies are creating fanfictions and drawing anime..."

"Okay...that's cool," Setsuna said, starting to relax, "Hey, haven't I seen you around before?"

"Um...yea...I see you on your way to English and on your way to Biology...when you go over to that clearing in the woods to train...you have very nice biceps...may I see them up close...?"

"Um...okay?" Setsuna rolled up her sleeve and flexed her muscles.

Sauki leaned forward and stroked her bicept, "Ah...it's all hard...you must be very, very strong..."

"Uh...yea...," Setsuna said slowly reaching for the bell with her other hand.

"Hey...are you gonna ring that bell so that aggressive chick can carry me away...?"

Setsuna froze, "No..."

"Okay..."

Setsuna rang the bell anyway and Asuna came to take her away.

"I need a restraining order on that one..." Setsuna whispered to Konoka.

The next girl was the class rep, "Ohohohohoho! It is I, the one and only Ayaka Yukihiro! The class representative of class 3-A!"

"I know who you are, class rep-san... Why are you here?" At the corner of her eye she saw Asuna glare at her.

"Well, I for one am not shy of my sexuality. Ever since that sleepover I discovered something about myself...I am...BI CURIOUS! Ohohohohoho!"

"Um...okay..." Setsuna was starting to feel a tad uncomfertable.

"Of course, I still love my beloved Negi-sensei, " she said flashing a loving look to Negi, "It's all thanks to you, Setsuna-san!" Class rep clasped Setsuna's hands in her own.

Asuna walked up to the desk and rang the bell, "_NEXT!" _Asuna grabbed the rep's collar and dragged her out of the room.

"_HEY! _You monkey! Unhand me!"

When the rep was forced out of the room, someone was forcing their way though the crowd, "Move it! Hey! Put that stick down! Out of my way!" Tsukuyomi appeared out of the crowd, "Hey Sempai..."

"_TSUKUYOMI? _What are you doing here?"

Tsukuyomi eased her way into the seat, "Why Sempai, I wouldn't miss this for the world! When I read about it on Asuna-san's Facebook I came right over!"

Setsuna looked at Asuna, "You're friends with her on _FACEBOOK?"_

Asuna shrugged, "Sorry. Me and Konoka were having a contest on who could get one thousand friends."

Setsuna tried to ring the bell, but Tsukuyomi sliced the bell in half, "Tsk tsk. I'm gonna have my five minutes with you no matter what."

Konoka picked up Chamo with a powerful force, "Can she do this?"

"Y-yeah...She p-paid..." Chamo chocked out.

Tsukuyomi leaned forward, the low-cut shirt she wore did it's job, "So...you like what you see?"

"Uh-uh-um..." Setsuna stammered.

_"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" _Konoka roared. She got her red hammer out of her back pocket, "_I'M COMING FOR YOU, YOU SLEAZY BITCH!" _Konoka lept over the table and tried to smack Tsukuyomi, but she leaped out of the way in time.

"Okay, princess. It ends here. Whoever wins gets Setsuna-sempai!" Tsukuyomi lunged at Konoka, but Konoka deflected it with her hammer.

"Ojou-sama! Please! Stop!" Setsuna said stepping inbetween them. After thirty minutes of fighting, Tsukuyomi finally left.

"I'll be back!" she spat at Konoka.

"I won! Set-chan's _MINE!" _Konoka spat back.

The room was a disaster zone. Chairs were knocked down and books were everywhere. All of the girls that were in line had left, fearing for their lives. Setsuna scoped the damage, "Look at all this! I'm probably gonna have to pay for all this damage, aren't?"

"Chill Setsuna. You still have one more date to go," Asuna said, picking up a chair.

"Who? Everyone left!"

"Me, " she heard Konoka say behind her, "Sit down, Set-chan. I wanna have my five minutes with you."

Setsuna's heart skipped a beat. She sat down and for the next five minutes she listened to Konoka talk. _This is the only date that turned out well. _

The timer went off, "Times up, you two," Negi said.

Konoka got up, "That was nice. You did good for our first date, Set-chan."

"Our first what now?"

Konoka giggled once more, "Yeah. But Set-chan...?" Konoka walked over to where Setsuna was still sitting, "How about we make the next date longer than five minutes?" Konoka bent over and kissed her cheek.

"Uh-uh-well...okay O-o-ojou-sama..." Setsuna stammered, fire on her face.

"Okay! See you later, Set-chan!" Konoka ran after Asuna and Negi, leaving Setsuna to sit there with a dumbstruck look on her face.

_Kono-chan...you confuse me SO much..._

END


End file.
